I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
