1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
COCAINE IS GR8
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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