i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
