Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize