Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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