Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
