Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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