those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
