are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
