last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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