Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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