I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
