I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
