On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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