It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
