My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
