3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize