I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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