Can Purell be used as lube?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
