she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
