just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
