she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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