hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
