i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
