I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
