Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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