I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
