so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize