So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
