We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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