Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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