Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
