she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
