IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
