Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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