I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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