Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
