I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
