So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
