Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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