I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I lost the right to judge tonight
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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