you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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