there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dicks are not precious.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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