after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
