Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So much rum. So many feels.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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