I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
