That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
