Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
