Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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