I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Drake has all the answers
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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