We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
