Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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