Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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