i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
