GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
