So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
