Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Panties = found
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