and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
