how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize