If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
