and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize