we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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