Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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