He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize