In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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