She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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