my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize