Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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