he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
